new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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