Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
