Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
