we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
