Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
