We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
