dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
