you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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