i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
