I think scott just propositioned me for sex
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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