So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
