This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
