he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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