I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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