we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
