so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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