I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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