Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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