It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
