I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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