he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
