Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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