I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
