Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
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