I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
