Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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