if you like me you must not know who I am
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
