Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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