yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
