omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
