We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
