im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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