you traded sex for a burrito?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
