Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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