i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
