How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
