his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
