normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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