Im at strip club and am horny
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
