Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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