i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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