I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
