if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
