What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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