My hand turned me down
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
