Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
