i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
