I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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