Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
