If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
