My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
