She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
