When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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