jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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