How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
be right there i have to get my cape
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
