I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
