Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
