girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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